It's Not Your Fault
by eliza-w
Summary: This takes place right after Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things. Sam decided to say something to try and make it alright. Ok, i'm not good at summaries...


**Disclaimer: I don't own Dean or Sam although like a million others I do dream about it.**

It's Not Your Fault

"I'm sorry."

"You? For what?"

"The way I've been acting. And for dad. He was your dad, too. It's my fault he's gone."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you've been thinking it. So have I. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I had a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later, dad's dead and the Colt's gone. You can't tell me there's not a connection there. I don't know how the demon was involved, I don't know how the whole thing went down exactly, but Dad's dead because of me. And that much I do know."

"We don't know that, not for sure."

"Sam. You and dad – you're the most important people in my life. And now – I never should have come back, Sam. It wasn't natural, and now look what's come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead. You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that's it. So tell me. What could you possibly say to make that all right?" a single tear rolled down Dean's face. The brothers sat in silence. Not daring to look at each other.

* * *

Dean's sudden confession wasn't exactly what he had expected. But Dean was right, Sam did think that Dean's miraculous recovery had a connection with their fathers' death._ 'Dad did have the things needed to summon the demon_. The thought had crossed through Sam's mind like a broken record._ 'Even if that's true, Dean couldn't possibly be_ _blamed'._ And it was time he told his brother that.

"It's not your fault." Sam said quietly, breaking the silence.

Dean scoffed "C'mon Sam. You don't honestly think that."

"Look, Dean all I know is that when Jess died I blamed myself for it. _You _were the one who kept drilling it in my head that it wasn't my fault. Neither was mums'"

"Yeah, well that was different."

"How exactly was that different?" not believing what his brother had just said.

"Because when they died you didn't know about this demon. There was no freakin' way you were supposed to know what is gonna happen." Dean replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"First of all, I had visions of Jess remember."

"Yeah, visions that we figured out months later."

"_Second, _how does knowing about the demon change anything?"

"Because dad knew about it and we knew dad. You said that I could do the whole Swayze thing when I was a spirit… I should have stopped him."

"What you think dad made some kind of deal with the demon?"

Dean remained silent.

"Even if that was true, you were in a damn coma and a reaper was after you! You weren't exactly having a party."

"That's no excuse."

"Fine! If that's the way you want it then maybe I'm to blame."

"What?" Dean said, surprised. Never in his wildest dreams did Dean expect Sam to blame this on himself.

"Why not Dean? I was the one who brought the stuff. So if dad summoned the demon it's my fault."

"What stuff?"

"Dad made a list of some things he wanted, said it was for protection but Bobby told me that they were all used for a summoning spell."

"So?"

"So I knew what was the stuff for and I left I with him. Heck, maybe a part of me realized what he wanted to do and I didn't stop him."

"Sam, don't be an idiot."

"Why not? If you wanna blame yourself, why can't I? You said it yourself, he was my dad too. You were in a coma not me, I should have stopped him."

"Sam, listen..."

"No Dean, it's your turn to listen. We don't know what happened in the hospital. Maybe the demon was coming for dad anyway and maybe your recovery was really a miracle."

"Yeah, ri-"

"We _don't know_ Dean. And I'll be damned if you give yourself the crap I did last year." giving Dean on of those looks that said 'I'm not joking.' Dean however, just looked away.

Sam got up and stood in front of Dean. He made sure that he had eye contact with his brother. "Whatever happened in the hospital…if it means that you being alive…that I don't have to be alone…then I'm glad it happened. And if the demon really did kill dad then we'll hunt that son of a bitch and kill it. But you gotta stop this Dean. It's not your fault." he pleaded.

Dean looked away again, trying to let Sam's words sink in. "I should have known that line would come back to bite me in the ass…I guess you're right. But you're still a major pain."

"Jerk…so you ok?"

"Nope, but better."

"At least that's something. Now can we please get to a hospital? My hand is killing me."

"Hey, it's _not_ my fault that you can't outrun a zombie." Dean said with a grin.

"Shut up."

* * *

**A/N: I know it's not a great fic but have mercy on me, it's my first. I didn't want to write it but it kept bugging me. I thought since I wrote it, I might as well post it. Please leave a review because I really would like to know what you guys think. It'll help me in my future fics…if I decide to post any. Thanks for reading.**

**I made Sam blame himself because that's the only way I imagined Dean would stop thinking that John's death is his fault when he sees the affect that I has on Sam. Which it isn't anyway but the guy never gives himself a break.**


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